Something a bit Different - Dealing with Anxiety and Panic Attacks

So this post is quite different to the usual types of posts you'll find on my blog. I started blogging in 2010 when I moved from New Zealand to the UK, and wanted an easy way to keep my friends and family updated with what I was doing and show the various places I was visiting, without having to write super long emails to everyone.

To begin with I found Blogging exciting, I loved posting our photos and remembering places we'd been. I also loved the process of really thinking about what I wanted to say, and was really wanting to give people travel inspiration the same way I found inspiration from similar blogs.

So for a few years I was blogging every trip on a regular basis, uploading the photos and getting posts out in the few days after our return to London from whenever we had travelled to (mostly Europe!). We had only originally intended to stay in  the UK for 2 years, however when the end of Bradley's visa came around, we realised we weren't quite ready to head back to reality, we wanted to stay a bit longer and continue exploring new places and countries.

Because that's the thing about travelling, the more you travel, the more you realise how much more you still have to see. And the more destinations you tick off your list, the longer the bottom of the list gets.

So as the years went on and the more we travelled, I found it hard to get the motivation to continue Blogging. I was taking longer to post photos, and weeks went by before I'd post about a trip. The words weren't coming as easily and each post was taking days to write, when it used to only take a few hours.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I realised I was suffering from a high level of Anxiety. I just wasn't interested in Blogging anymore, it just all seemed to be a bit too hard. So I kept making excuses, until eventually in April, I just stopped completely. It wasn't a conscious choice, I just kept putting it off until I realised it was July and I hadn't posted in over three months. After that it seemed like the break had been too long, and the amount of work to catch up on was overwhelming.

I've also written before in several posts about my fear of flying. When we first moved to the UK I don't recall having any worries about getting on the plane. I'd feel slightly uncomfortable at the thought of being on a plane for such a long time, but then once on board it would be fine. It seemed like the more we flew, the worse it got. I didn't want my fear to get in the way of our dreams, so we continued to travel every eight weeks or so, each time finding myself getting more and more anxious, until I eventually started having Panic Attacks before getting on the plane, with this escalating to a few days/weeks before each flight.

It got to the stage where I was in an almost constant state of Anxiety and I started having Panic Attacks in all kinds of places, not just on a plane. I could be sitting at my desk at work, walking home from the tube or just having dinner, when I'd feel my heart start pounding, my hands start shaking, I'd get lightheaded and nauseous. When you have a Panic Attack, it means high levels of adrenaline are being released into your body. More blood is sent to your limbs, to enable you to escape the situation but it means you get lightheaded. Your digestive system shuts down so you feel sick, and most likely you'll need to go to the bathroom (this definitely happens to me!).

A Panic Attack is essentially your body reacting to what it feels is a dangerous situation, it goes into Fight or Flight mode. It can't tell the difference between a real or imagined fear, and it means you become super sensitive to situations other people might have no issues with. 

A Panic Attack usually only lasts up to 20 minutes, but I feel the after affects for hours afterwards. I am usually exhausted and starving, with my body having expended all its energy and needing to relax and refuel. I'd then also get really angry at myself for having a Panic Attack and that I wasn't 'normal'. I felt that I was ruining our trips before they even started.

I decided I needed to get some help, since this was now affecting my everyday life, and I stopped looking forward to travelling because I knew it was going to start out with a huge panic attack. So I spoke to my Doctor, who referred me to a CBT Counsellor through the NHS. CBT is all about helping you deal with your issues by changing your thinking patterns, almost stepping outside yourself and analysing your thoughts and seeing if there is another way you could deal with the situation. So far I am finding it really helpful and I am hopeful that by the end of my sessions, I will be able to control my anxiety to the point when I can get on a plane without panicking, or just deal with everyday situations in a different way.

I've realised my anxiety seems to stem from situations where I have no control, and where I would be trapped and unable to escape if something was to go wrong. I have discovered I have a Catastrophic way of thinking. Anytime I have a problem or issue to deal with, I instantly think of the absolute worst case scenario and convince myself that is the definite outcome.

I am also finding that the more I keep myself relaxed, with things like yoga and meditation, the more my anxiety levels stay at a lower level. London is an extremely fast paced city to live in, and I think the longer we've lived here, the more my anxiety has steadily increased. 

I've been writing draft posts which will be posted shortly. For me taking it slowly seems to be the key since I've had 6 months of travel to catch up on!

So slowly I can feel my Anxiety levels going down, and whilst I don't think they'll ever be at a 'normal' level, I'm learning how to deal with them to stop them taking over my life.

If you suffer from Panic Attacks it's good to know that Panic Attacks are extremely common, and though they can sometimes feel scary, they are not dangerous and treatment can help you, you just need to find the right treatment for you.